And I don't feel worthy.
I don't feel good enough.
I wonder if I'm doing enough...
being kind enough...
being righteous enough...
And I wonder if God is proud of me or not.
And I have to stop myself in my tracks.
And I think:
Haley, do you love God?
Do you desire to do good?
Do you try?
If these thoughts are coming to you, it is obviously important to you that you are being a good, obedient child, right?
Doesn't that count for something?
I will never feel worthy of the Atonement.
I could never repay my Savior enough.
I may never feel like I am doing enough.
And I have to remind myself that even though I am not perfect, or even close, nobody is.
God is still proud of me, proud of my efforts... even if I am always falling short.
I am bad at journal keeping.
And I forget to pray some mornings.
I don't always manage my time responsibly.
I don't always think nice thoughts about myself or others.
And i am terrible at forgiving myself.
But I like to think that I am good at forgiving others.
That I am a good friend...
And good at recognizing mercies.
And I know I have a long way to go.
But I am learning how to keep my thoughts positive.
And I have found this self-reassuring technique to be good for a lot.
It comes in handy when I feel like I'm alone or I am not good enough and it also helps when I doubt.
I just have to remind myself that I already know the gospel is true. I already know God loves me. I already know that perfection is not possible in this life. I already know that there is more to the plan.
And these things will always be true. No matter what.
So I snap out of my feeling down-ness!!
God is good. The Savior forgives perfectly. It is not the Savior's job to judge, it is his job to be my advocate.
God loves everyone. Always and no matter what.
These things I know, and they never change.